Thursday, March 11, 2010

Ultra-Health Special: Super Chocolate Death Tart Sandwich

Before you read any further, ask yourself this question:
What is better than a slice of chocolate tart?

Obviously, the only thing better than one slice of chocolate tart is two slices of chocolate tart. Hence, this recipe is based upon two philosophies. The first is that two is twice as good as one, and the second is that anything bland can be redeemed.

Yes, bland. The simple fact of the matter is that this tart is a tad dull by itself. It's practically pure chocolate, which some people will, no doubt, find pleasant enough. However, variety is often the spice of life and the quickener of death. Thus, daredevils and mad scientists may find that a few additions can take this tart from execrable to exciting.

I won't bore you with the recipe itself. The filling and glaze are taken precisely from Epicurious, and the crust can be lifted from my other tart recipe.

Now, the exciting bit.
You will need:

Lots of gastrointestinal fortitude
A selection of fresh fruits and vegetables
Meats, cheeses, and volcanic ash
Ice cream of several different various varieties
Anything else

I personally opted for the blackberry/vanilla ice cream tart sandwich, but you may do as you please. If you are wondering whether or not certain ingredients will clash with or compliment your tart sandwich, simply ask yourself "What is good with [insert ingredient here]?" If the answer is "everything", proceed.

For the BVICTS mentioned previously, simply cut two generous slices of tart. Slather one slice with vanilla ice cream and strategically place several blackberries on the ice cream. Next, smash the other slice on top, crushing the berries and allowing the juices and ice cream to intermingle freely. Garnish with an additional straag of ice cream with a berry on top.

Now, set aside a few hours for wallowing in a sugar-overloaded torpor and chow down. Next, follow this simple one-step process:

1. Mid-sandwich, ask yourself this question:
Is it good?

If the answer is positive, continue. If it is negative, start over with a different set of ingredients. I suggest the ginger/walnut/ peach sorbet chocolate tart sandwich, or GWPSCTS for short. Eat, and then re-proceed to step one.


  1. Me wantses it - but with a hearty dose of black cherries instead of blueberries

  2. As a self professed "man's man," I'm sure the award I'm passing along to you will cause no insecurities. You're sidebar would look lovely (and no less manly) with a red stiletto heel adorning it.